Why a No Frills Birthday Makes Me Super Mom

The Birthday Girl

Every once in a while, I have a moment that makes me feel like Super Mom. Like the time I simultaneously nursed twins, supervised a preschooler’s art project and, with the help of a Hello Kitty radio, followed the Giants as they clinched the World Series. Somewhere in between the fifth and seventh innings I cooked dinner too. True story.

Well, folks, I’ve done it again. My Super Mom moment of 2011: I am throwing a birthday party for my soon-to-be four year old. And I have laid down the law. No presents. No piñatas. No princess party entertainers. No goodie bags.

Next Saturday, four moms from preschool are going to drop off four preschoolers. Here in our modest apartment we will don party hats and eat pasta and green beans. We will sing “Happy Birthday” (and eat cake—I’m not a total Party Tyrant). And then we will watch T.V. That’s the party. And I think the kids will love it. Continue… »

Don’t Judge ‘Battle Hymn’ by its Excerpt

BOOK REVIEW

Here’s what you should know about the Amy Chua book: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. It’s a really good book.

It’s beautifully written and well crafted. It’s the story of a mom who decided to write a memoir after she realizes that ‘Chinese parenting’ isn’t working. But here’s what’s floating around the blogosphere: “forced her daughters to practice six hours a day, even on vacation” and “called her daughter ‘garbage,’” “forbade sleepovers.” The Wall Street Journal chose to publish Chua’s book excerpt under the title “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior.” The excerpt should read like a cliffhanger; instead it reads like a manifesto. That’s unfortunate. Continue… »

Midday Banana Brown

What color is your palette?

I have this dream, and in it I speak and people know what I’m talking about.

In real life I want to paint the dining room. I want a nice, warm beige but when I go to Home Depot to discuss color swatches the gum-smacker in the orange jacket shows me swatch after swatch that is neither warm nor beige. And all the colors have names such as “Tahiti Bark” or “Ozone.”

Finally I say, “You know, Midday Banana Brown.”

In real life I get a blank stare, but in my dream the woman behind the counter lights up and says, “Oh! You mean like the color of a banana after a toddler has smashed it on her plate and gone to take her morning nap, and since this is your one chance today to shower, you don’t discover it again until lunch. We’ve got that color but we call it “Nantucket Sand.” Continue… »

Grandpa’s Getting Chemo for Christmas

The holidays are here and this year for Christmas, Grandpa’s getting chemo. Our daughter Chiara is too young to be worried about it. She’s not quite four years old. We probably don’t even need to mention it, but that sets a bad precedent. At what point do we decide that she’s “old enough to know?”

Last year when Grandpa had surgery, she definitely wasn’t old enough to know. We just included Grandpa in our “special prayers” and left it at that. But in a couple of weeks she and her daddy are going to visit Grandpa. I want her to know that it’s important for her to be very good and very helpful. Three years old may be too young to talk about chemotherapy, but it certainly isn’t too young to talk about compassion.

A year and a half ago, I was pregnant and felt sick all the time. I had to explain to Chiara that I was too tired to play and too sick to read books. And so she took it upon herself—in her two-year-old way, of course—to read books to me. I guess she figured that that’s what you do to make people feel better. Our honesty and openness gave her an opportunity to be proactive. She was right; I did feel better, and touched, proud and amazed. Out of the hearts of babes. Continue… »

Life Lessons from Dog to Child

I’m walking around our neighborhood looking for a woman and her dog. I want to reassure her that the scare she had the other day resulted in some invaluable life lessons for my three-year-old daughter, Chiara.

Chiara and I were walking with my twin boys in the bulky double snap-n-go, (which is like pushing a small fleet of shopping carts.) We came upon our neighbor and her little black and white dog. The dog has this fancy collar that emits a blue light.

I point out the fancy collar to Chiara: “When it’s nighttime, the collar shines a light and then his mama can see her doggy.”

The owner and I joke about the day when I might need a similar kind of collar for the twins. We smile and part ways. Continue… »