A shining example vs. a horrible warning

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My baby sister is about to have her first child. Poor thing. I love her but am having a hard time being supportive as well as not scaring the shit out of her. I haven’t held back my complaints about parenting my own children and can’t imagine why she wants to do it. I am certain that if I had known what was in store for me I would have thought twice, and then gotten my tubes tied.

I suggested they get a puppy but she said dogs are a big responsibility and it would be hard to travel. Hmm…when we go out of town we leave our dog here and have neighbors feed and walk her. My children require more attention than two walks and a half a can of food a day. And you don’t have the option of leaving them in a kennel. Continue… »

Who’s my favorite?

What exactly is the right answer when one of your children asks: “Who do you love most?” Is there ever a right answer? I love to tell each of my children that of course they are by far my favorite one. That may be the only chance I have that one of them will take care of me in my old age.

But the truth is, I love Daddy best.

There are so many reasons I love my husband more than my children. First of all, I picked my husband. Of course we had to ultimately pick each other but he was the one I wanted. My kids: not so much. With kids you take what you get and hope for the best. While I love my children immensely, I do not always like them. I think of them more as an acquired taste, like anchovies.
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House of Toys

I have never been a fan of electronics for children. We do not have a DVD in the car, even on long trips.  My kids never even played with Leap Frog. Once we received a musical book that repeated letters and spelled words in a loud, droning voice. The book stopped working quickly and then disappeared, mysteriously.

But once I got my iPhone I saw some great educational apps and downloaded them for my son, Eric. My favorite was First Word sampler, in which the user matches a series of letters on the bottom of the screen to ones in a word next to a picture. When Eric answered a few correctly, I thought he could read. Until he got to the word SHIP. After slowly dragging the correct letters up the highlighted word—S, H, I, P—he looked at me and announced with a triumphant smile, “BOAT!”

No matter. As soon as he discovered my Bubble Wrap app and Slingshot Cowboy, the ABCs went out the window. Educational indeed.

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DILDOS are My New BFFs

I have been happily married for more than ten years and I still have a great sex life with my husband. But lately I can’t get over my obsession with DILDOS.

I don’t mean sex toys. I’m talking about Dads I’d Like to DO!

I love my husband. Really. But I can’t help it. I fantasize about other men. In particular: Dads. They all hold a certain appeal. It could be looks, charm or a sarcastic sense of humor.

I think about them constantly.

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Togetherness Is Nothing Like Being Alone

I have a theory that the very thing that attracts one to another is ultimately what will repel one or both at some point.

When the kids were little I loved having Bill home during the day. He is a jeweler and his workshop is downstairs. He is always just a scream away for help. My intense boys, just two and a half years apart, ran me ragged and sometimes another pair of adult hands was the only things stopping me from running out and never returning.

Now the kids are at school all day and I swear just the sound of Bill’s footsteps on the stairs is enough to make me grind my teeth. Instead of enjoying lunch together I would rather read a magazine while eating leftovers cold from the fridge.

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Throw Stuff Out and Feel Great!

It seems that the moment I attempt to throw something away in an attempt to de-clutter my house of past prime toys, I find myself unable to actually do it.

I stand poised over the garbage can and I hesitate. I find myself scared to follow through.

I am plagued by questions such as: Is this really garbage? Can’t I find another use for it? Maybe if I find 25 more just like it I can bring it to my son’s pre-school for an art project!

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When Should You Send Your Child to Kindergarten?

I am sending my younger son off to kindergarten in the fall. Depending on the time of day, I believe it is the best idea I ever had or just one more way I’m screwing him up.

I am afraid if I send him before he is “ready,” I risk launching a tragic school career. It will be fraught with failures and missed opportunities sprinkled with serious judgement errors. 

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One Son Is a Talker, The Other Not

My son, Eric, is not a big talker. This came as a complete shock to me since I come from a long line of talkers. It seems like all my friends and family members love to talk (often at the same time).

My older son, Paul, began talking early and often and has basically never stopped. So, when my second son came along I just figured he would speak up, but that was not the case. First of all , I could barely hear him over his older brother’s constant demands for my (waning) attention.

While I had hung on Paul’s every word (and before that, everything resembling a word) I had a hard time really listening to poor little Eric. I am sad to say his needs were constantly unheard. While I would have pulled off the road to nurse my crying first-born it was not uncommon to wake my second son from a much-needed nap in order to do school pick-up.

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If Only I Could Get Organized

Okay, TODAY I’m going to get organized.

I can do this.

All I need are the right storage containers. Didn’t I just buy some? How can they not fit? Why is it that things grow a crucial inch right after I measure them?

Every time I get back from The Container Store loaded down with purchases necessary to change my life with elevated efficiency — I fail.

Nothing ever ends up looking anything like the picture in my mind.

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What to Do When You’ve Got TOO Much to Do?

I used to be so ambitious. I don’t mean regarding my career path, but rather my daily To-Do List.

I dared to put actual projects on the list that would take planning, shopping, organizing, actual doing! Somehow, these things never got crossed off of my list. No, they would just get transferred day after day, week after week, ultimately year to year. I may as well have written down reorganize our health care system.

Now I have my 10 by 10 List. Ten things I like to complete by ten a.m. If I can do these things, I feel like I have already accomplished so much.

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