July 6th, 2007
“Brady Bunch” is the term people use for our type of family configuration: man, woman, his kids, her kids. It conjures up a flat but happy picture of a family in garish 70s colors, so unterritorial that six kids can share one bathroom with ease.
I knew better than to expect anything like that when my partner and I moved in together. The unfixable loss of divorce is that you never reclaim the wholeness of the original family. There are always conflicts of loyalty, as parents try to decide how to share out their time and money among their kids, their step kids, and their new spouses. The conflicts last until death do us part, and parents must divide up their assets in their estate plans.
For years I thought I should aim to re-create the closeness of an original family within our blended family. My stepdaughter moved in with us full-time, and every day I would put aside the problems of the day before and try for one more tiny step towards togetherness. I was never happier than when I finally admitted defeat, whooshing down those icy slopes I’d been trying to climb and ending up in a laughing heap at the bottom.
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