The Day My Eight-Year-Old Called Cialis

We call it the “peep.” It started as a cute way to shorten “pee-pee” when he was a baby, then evolved into not-so-subtle Mom code in public for penis, as in “stop playing with your peep.”

Peep problems started early for our son Ethan when at four-years-old he was upset by unexpected erections that wreaked havoc with his growing sense of control.

One winter morning at a Lake Tahoe rental house, we were mortified when our friends heard his tirade through the bathroom walls. As we sipped coffee, he howled in frustration and told his “bad peep” that it needed to go down. We then dissolved into giggles as my husband took him aside in the next room and tried to calm him down with the “it’s a normal and natural part of life” speech.

Four years later we thought he was comfortable with his peep and would ask us if he had questions. Not so fast…

“Did you know your son called the Cialis hot line?” a good friend asked me the other night over pizza. It turns out he had told them all about his telephone call at the last sleepover. At home, we noticed his fascination with the ever-present Cialis commercials on television and his funny questions about four-hour erections, but calling the hot line? It had to be a joke. We pulled Ethan and his friend Jack away from the Wii long enough to tell us the story.

“Yeah, I called the other morning when I was watching cartoons in the living room,” he recounted in a matter-of-fact tone. “I asked them what to do if my erection lasted more than four hours.”

We were flabbergasted he would take the initiative to call (not to mention that he thought he was having erections lasting more than four hours.) So we asked, “And what did the person at Cialis say?”

“Well, the guy asked me how old I was, that I sounded around 10. When I told him I was eight, he wasn’t happy. He said that if I was really eight, I shouldn’t be taking Cialis in the first place, and then he hung up.”

While our jaws hung open, Ethan just shrugged and said, “I still don’t know what to do if my erection lasts more than four hours.”

“If that really happens, just tell us.” He shrugged again and ran back out to his game without a second thought.

We weren’t sure which was more horrifying to Mom and Dad― that he was comfortable enough to pick up the phone and call a complete stranger to discuss his penis questions or that he was telling this story without shame to our friends and neighbors before telling us.

What’s next? Enlarged prostate prescription drugs? “Hello, Avodart. I noticed that I’m peeing more lately…”