Just Add Family and “Blend”

I have been living in a “blended family” for just over two years and it’s been quite a challenging experience. A blended family is when two people fall in love, decide to marry and then all the children from previous relationships, who never knew each other before and don’t particularly want to now, have to live together as one family with new parents, new rules and often in a new home. And some of us had to move to a new country!

Other definitions of blended:

• To combine or mix so that the constituent parts are indistinguishable from one another.
• To create a harmonious effect or result.
• To become merged into one; unite.

They all sound wonderful. But none of these are actually what living in a blended family is really like! Whoever coined that lofty phrase should be shot! Different personalities, different parenting styles and different nationalities are just three of the challenges we have had to deal with in our particular ‘blended family.’

I had such high hopes when we first started out of being one big, happy family, just like The Brady Bunch. Ha! How wrong I was.

I was completely unrealistic about my abilities as a step parent. It’s been a long and bumpy road, but lately I feel like the tarmac is smoothing out. There have been fewer arguments and many peaceful days with smiles and laughter.

What I’ve learned about blending two families:

• Not everyone’s idea of a happy family is the same, and certainly not based on all those bloody Disney ‘happily ever after’ films.
• Talking honestly and openly is critical to harmony, but one of the scariest things to do in real life, even worse than spiders!
• Be realistic about different parenting styles and decide which rules are really important, which rules applied only to some kids and which ones are not worth worrying about.
• My ‘energy’ is important to the overall peace of the house. If I was in a bad mood, I was like a filthy, toxic cloud infecting everyone around me.
• I need to Mind My Own Business and Not Take Anything Personally. These have been H-U-G-E for me. I used to be incredibly nosy, very sensitive and a massive people-pleaser – not a good combination.
• Saying NO (and meaning it) is a good thing!
• Setting firm but fair boundaries and reviewing these periodically with the family works well.
• Finally, every time I start to relax and congratulate myself on weathering the stormy seas of bringing up teenagers, I need to remember the old adage: ‘Beware the calm before a storm.’