Oh Brother!

Brothers playing Legos

Maybe it’s a New York thing, but I am cynical by nature. Even though I expect the worst, in order to avoid being disappointed, unfortunately it more often means that I am guaranteed a negative outcome. My husband is the original Mr. Happy-go-lucky, taking the bad with a grain of salt and focusing on the positive in every situation. He always looks on the bright side. I hate it when he does that!

My eight-year-old son Eric is more like his dad. It is all good. If play dates get canceled he is the first to suggest an alternative plan. If a movie is sold out he will suggest a day at the park.

“Dat’s okay, we can do sumfing better!”

However, my eleven-year-old son Paul has inherited my pessimistic nature. Forget the glass being half full or half empty; Paul’s is the wrong glass because Eric must have gotten the “better” glass.

Even if I am trying to get Paul to think positively it backfires. I try to preview situations to avoid unrealistic expectations, but even this can result in tears. I warn them ahead of time if I think they may be disappointed. This means that even a fun outing to the toy store can end in hysteria.

“Thanks for reminding me that there might be a problem!” Paul will cry if I tell him to have a second choice picked out in case whatever he has his heart set on may not be available.

Even trying to compliment his improving drawing skills can backfire. If I admire a picture by saying it is better than the previous one he gets defensive.

“Why? What was wrong with the first one?”

Is this just one more example of kids getting both the good as well as the bad qualities from both parents? Eric got my crowded teeth, and ingrown toenails but Bill’s positive attitude. Paul got Bill’s body type and artistic ability along with my anxiety and over-sensitive nature.

I am not a born optimist but I try to fake it for my kids. Clearly, it’s not working.

Paul is even negative about other people’s abilities. And by other people’s I mean his brother’s. Recently I overheard them playing Legos together. Apparently Eric was trying to construct a gravity defying bridge.

“Eric! That won’t work. I don’t think you will be able to do that.”

“Paul, PLEASE stop being so negative,” I called from the other room, “Can you have a more positive attitude?”

“Fine. Eric, I am positive you won’t be able to do it.”