Unemployment – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I’ve been unemployed for four months now and keep telling myself to enjoy it, but that’s just not completely possible. Here’s the bad things about not working:

Duh! We can’t pay our monthly bills on one income. And we blew though our rainy day fund (that we had for 10 years) a couple of years ago when some other s*#@* happened. So we’re in debt and will have to figure out how to get back on track. I think the retirement funds are history.

I often don’t feel good about myself. This ranges from not feeling productive enough to feeling like a loser.

I beat myself up for all the things I should be getting done but am not: more writing, cleaning closets, framing family photos, gardening, visiting my parents more often.

I wake up at 3:30 am about once a week and want to shake my husband awake and scream “What are we going to do?!!” Instead I go sleep on the futon in the family room so that my tossing and turning and snoring don’t wake him.

Here’s the good things about not working:

I take my son to school each morning and bring him home each afternoon. When I work, my husband does this.

I’ve got time to shop and cook. I’ve tried about fifty new recipes, lots of tapas. My slow cooker has returned from a 4 year exile.

My son has friends over a lot, like 2 or 3 days a week after school and at least one weekend night. At thirteen, I like keeping him close and knowing what he’s doing.

Exercise is easy to fit in: swimming, hiking with the dog, yoga, Zumba dance classes.

My dog is so happy to have me around. We’ve renewed our love affair.

I’ve taken some short trips which would have been hard to squeeze in while working: snowshoeing for first time at Kirkwood, to Carmel with high school friends, to Los Angeles, to Galt for Relay for Life fundraiser for American Cancer Society, writing retreat at Lake Tahoe.

I’ve been to the Asian Art Museum, Contemporary Jewish Museum and the Cartier jewelry exhibit at the Legion of Honor. Next week I’ll hit the updated Oakland Museum.

I have much more patience at home and have been happy to once again confirm that my favorite thing to do is just hang out with my husband and son. No one entertains me more.

Three activities I can’t decide to put in the bad section or the good section – you decide:

I’m caught up on my TV shows (and reality is I’ve added some shows to an already long list but hey David Simon is back on HBO with Treme and Top Chef Masters restarted).

I’m drinking a glass or two of red wine each night.

This third one is not really an activity but my son was totally surprised to find out I know how to use the vacuum.

I have discovered, and this is significant, that I’m not ready to stop working. I have a lot of experience, knowledge and skills to offer that I’m not ready to put on a shelf. Although balancing work and family is a continuous challenge, I’ve always liked my son seeing me work hard, and how as a family we sort through the ups and downs of my career and his dad’s business. I don’t think he’s thought for a second that he’s lacked attention or believed work comes first for me, because he and my husband are always number one.