Baby # 2 - A decision made lightly
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
Scarlett just turned two years old, the birthday that is also the unspoken moment when not-so-new parents actively start trying for kid #2. Since Scarlett was an accident, I never even imagined a number one. But when she came into being, my husband sprung the zinger on me: 0 or 2. I gasped, but he unknowingly echoed the numbers in my own head. Yes, I believed it too. When we were zero, the selfish possibilities were endless. When I imagine two, the selfless possibilities seem endless, too.
One seems slightly cruel, more selfish than zero. My friends who are only children are a little odd about things. Highly intelligent to the point of eccentricity. Socially uncomfortable. Particular about the arrangement of their space. Neat freaks. Loners. It makes sense. Not having to share your space, toys, food or thoughts. Not having someone to look up to or down upon, fight with or fight for, say sorry to, work through difficult social interactions. Having only quiet, boring adults for company.
I look at Scarlett now, see her social skills, speaking skills, curiosity and compassion, I wonder about how parents stop at one. Was the birth so traumatic? Was he or she particularly difficult as a baby, enough to turn the parents off any more? Did the one child threaten the marriage, irrevocably change the parents into people they no longer recognized? Was it financial? Were they selfish? I can sympathize, not from personal experience with each one, but with the notion that having a baby can turn your world upside down and inside out, and no amount of planning, micromanaging or wanting something different can change it.
But now as I turn my thoughts to another one, I have other worries that I never had with my first accident. Does the magic number two mean out with old? Would it be possible to love another baby as much as I love the one I have? Is it the biological clock or just a deep dark maternal desire to have a new set of little toes to suck on? Is it a selfish desire to go through my thoroughly delightful and barf-free pregnancy again? Will I even be able to have another one at 38, with my aging eggs? Is he or she just a gift for Scarlett, more proof of love? A he??? And am I ready to give up my almost-thin body for another 2 years and get on the roller coaster again? By my own admission, I’ve locked myself into a yes. Trapped between a 0 and a 2, able to only go forward, I have no choice but to silence all reservations and plunge into the next game of baby roulette.
tagged under: 2nd child.baby.biological clock.only child.pregnancy.Writing Mamas
ABOUT THIS AUTHOR
Sho Sho Smith left corporate life to pursue a creative writing life. Along with poems and paintings, she also created a baby girl who became her muse and inspiration. Under baby Scarlett's tutelage, and with the help of the Writing Mamas, Sho Sho has published essays, art reviews, travel articles, radio pieces. Read her Health and Happiness column athttp://www.examiner.com/x-11415-Oakland-Health-and-Happiness-Examiner. Sho Sho received her BA from UCLA and her MFA in creative writing from the University of Iowa.
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Nicely wrote. Excellent piece of work you have right here.
Interesting piece. I have several friends who are only children and are among the most well-adjusted, outgoing people I know. I grew up in a family with four kids, all close in age. I’d describe at least one of us as a loner and socially awkward. My daughter is an only child and has always been very verbal, social and outgoing. She loves being around other kids and begs for a brother or sister, which for a variety of reasons probably isn’t possible and something that’s still hard for me to accept. You probably still have plenty of time to have a second child—I was 42 when I had my daughter without fertility treatments. Good luck!
hi sho sho,
your thourough description of the thought process involved in bringing another life into your reality is totally understandble. i being an only child also identify with your description of the odd qualities too. thank you for the window into your choice, i think it is a good one.
Life is definitely a lot busier with two, but I have to say that watching my little guy hug his big sister is pretty great… Good luck!
Well written and provocative, particularly for the mother of an only child
Sho Sho: Please submit more blogs! So interesting to see one mother’s thought process unfold, especially when it’s as flawlessly written as this account.
Usually, a decision made lightly is one born out of wit and common sense. And most of the time, common sense solves problem- the thing is, common sense, ironically, is not so common anymore.lol.