Three Decades Later He’s Still My Baby

I must have written to myself a lot as I am going through many old papers such as this one that was written on a typewriter and is almost too faint to read so I copied it onto the computer.

This was written five years after having had groin cancer. During cancer surgery they were supposed to have “cut my tubes” and as result I would no longer be able to conceive. However, in the intensity of a six-hour surgery that required transfusions due to heavy blood loss, they forgot.

I did not discover this fact until two years later when I became pregnant. I chose to not terminate the pregnancy as I was advised to do. The result of this pregnancy has always been an inspiration as I was in a state of heightened awareness and appreciation of all life’s meaning.

When that child, Nathaniel, who was a result of this pregnancy, was nearly three, I sat down one day and wrote the piece below.

Now, thirty-four years later, realizing that he has a three-year-old child, I decided to send it to him. He understood the sentiments perfectly as he has the same relationship with his daughter as I’ve always had with him.

THANK YOU TO A TWO-YEAR OLD WHO TURNED THREE TODAY.

(Written in 1975 during Nathaniel’s naptime.)

I want to thank you for keeping me in touch with the intuitive.

What you’ve learned in two years I must learn again. Is this wisdom?

I thank you for the love of simple things; moons, bugs, mud, and love.

For teaching me that the answer to “I love you” is “I know it.”

For forgiving my hassles and mistakes, and giving me someone who truly needs me.

For renewal of the instantaneous joy of lizards, butterflies and creek water.

For proving that a penny is still a magic coin that buys bubble gum and shouts of,“I got a blue one,” or “yellow,” or even “green.” That a penny makes the red flag in the parking meter disappear. A penny is a power that spins, and rolls and disappears down cracks producing laughter, sighs and tears.

You teach me that tears are free, self-created floods that release the pressure behind the dam and allow the sunny smiles that follow close behind to appear again.

You make me realize that all your intuitive truths will be severely tested before you turn them into wisdom and that maybe this will never have a chance to occur.

But for today I thank you most of all for just being YOU, here with me, and at nearly age three.

Yes. Love means forever, while expecting nothing in return. This is what I have learned from you my dearest child: when one expects nothing, you receive all.

Love, Mom

P.S.: A penny was way more powerful when you were three, than it is today.