When Will People See?
Saturday, July 18th, 2009Recently, I was at Home Depot when a white man came up to me in the aisle and jerked his chin in the direction of my shopping cart where my two children, ages 7 and 4, sat chomping on hot pretzels.
“Where are they from?” the man asked. “Mexico?”
“Guatemala,” I said uncertain where the conversation was headed.
“Well,” said the man, folding his arms. “Let’s hope they bring something good to this country, instead of just taking everything.”
When I told this story to a friend in my neighborhood, another adoptive mom with a daughter from Guatemala in addition to two blonde-haired biological kids, she nodded.
“I was at Walgreen’s with the girls, and Maria wandered down the aisle with a candy bar in her hand. A man came up to her and said ‘You know you have to pay for that, missy.’” My friend shook her head. “Mind you, Maria’s two blonde-haired sisters were walking around with candy bars in their hands, too, but he didn’t say a word to them. Only to Maria.”
I thought about these things when I heard about the incident at the Valley Swim Club, where sixty black and Hispanic kids from an inner-city daycare showed up to swim at a private, mostly white swimming pool for a few hours on a Monday afternoon. They were asked not to come back. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what really happened. But I saw a news clip of a 12-year-old African American boy fighting back tears when he said club members made racist comments about his group, and my gut instinct as a mother believed him.
True, Barack Obama is in the White House, and Sonia Sotomayor is in line to become our next Supreme Court Justice. The country has come a long way since the days of Jim Crow and segregation.
Just because legal rights now apply to people of color doesn’t mean our nation is colorblind.
Not yet, anyway.
By Jessica O’Dwyer
tagged under: Blonde.Colorblind.Guatemala.Home Depot.Jessica O'Dwyer.Mexico.PredjudiceABOUT THIS AUTHOR
Jessica O’Dwyer worked for 20 years in magazine publishing, art museums, and as a high-school English teacher. After she and her husband adopted their daughter from Guatemala, she was so moved by the experience she felt compelled to find a way to share her story. She joined the Writing Mamas in 2004, where she found a supportive community of other mothers with their own stories to tell. Jessica’s essays have been published in the San Francisco Chronicle Magazine, Adoptive Families, and the Marin Independent Journal; aired on KQED-FM; and won awards from the National League of American Pen Women. She has taken workshops with Joyce Maynard, participated in the Squaw Valley Workshop, and is a dedicated student of classes at Book Passage. Her first book, MAMALITA: AN ADOPTION MEMOIR, will be published by Seal Press in November 2010. Visit her at http://www.mamalitathebook.com
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Unbelievable and important to keep sharing these experiences.
I hear you, Jessica. My son Alex (who is part Asian and looks nothing like me) was rudlely commanded to leave the clothing store once, while he was waiting for me to get out of the dressing room. He tried explaining that his mom was inside, to which the clerk (an older white male) replied, “I saw her go in there, she is not your mother. Now get out!” And yes, it is important to keep writing and talking about it. Thank you!
Great piece, Jessica. I’m sorry your family and others still have to deal with such ignorance and prejudice.
Ignorance isn’t bliss - it’s brazen and outrageous when combined with downright stupidity. And I find myself grasping for the ’smart comebacks’ your kids could use…but find myself so angry to think. Thanks for writing this Jessica
This is a powerful piece. I heard it on KQED’s Perspectives this morning, and can only hope those horrible men heard it, too. That would be a smart comeback indeed! Let’s hope that those dinosaurs are en route to extinction.
At any rate, your piece beautifully interweaves the personal and political. Thank you for holding up a mirror we all need to see.
Dear Jessica. Thank you so much for your piece. I happened upon it during my drive into work early this morning courtesy of KQED’s Perspectives. It’s often hard seeing the hurt from the eyes of those suffering first hand, but your noticing helps so much. I fight everyday against the slights that mostly go unnoticed by my friends less blessed than myself in the tanning department. It gets old, but you manage. You find that you often have to exceed just in order to be considered an equal. You receive different treatment at stores and restaurants. You often find too that your dating options are limited as either your prospective companion either doesn’t “date (insert ethnicity here) guys” (or gals for that matter) or your acquaintances always pair you with those of shared ethnic heritage… (while not unwelcome, it’s akin to being limited to tacos, or chow mein exclusively, while desiring a pizza or burger). Mind you, I mean no offence by the simile… Such experiences may sound cliche sadly, but they are realities for many Americans of color. It’s certainly mine. Take care Jessica. Once again, most appreciated. Peace.
Dear A: Thank you so much for sharing your own perspective on this subject. Because of my children, I really do see the world through different eyes now, and will continue to write about my observations. I urge you to do the same.
Thanks again.
Yikes. Great piece. You’re opening our otherwise complacent eyes.
Thanks for sharing this. I don’t think I’m complacent but as a caucasian, I haven’t been in the position to see how biggoted certain people are. We almost have to be rubbing shoulders closely with an ethnic minority in order to see the extent of the problem. An American born individual of Iranian descent once told me that he was on the receiving end of jokes and negative comments about his name on a weekly basis. An AFrican American man told me that when he went looking to rent a room, he was turned down by 9 out of 10 of the people advertising rooms for rent.
A phrase that I have tucked away for people that make explicit mean statements is “I have so many problems with what you said that I hardly even know where to begin.” I can pull that one out of the hat if I can’t think of anything else.
Jessie:
Hello there my very dear old friend. Wonderful to read your story. It was poignant and sad. Your writing is beautiful……….
People in Washington DC are alot more open to diversity…
Your very dear friend Mary Beth, from 100 Elberon Ave.
Mary Beth! Is it really you? Please let me know how to contact you.
hi jessica,
your story describes painfully the roadblocks of prejudice that are put up in the lives of the non-white population. to have to teach our children that progress has been made in equality, but stupidity still is prevelent is a hard task to undertake to say the least. thank you for your honesty
Mary Beth: So happy we found each other!
Cynthia: Thanks for letting me know my piece resonates with you. I appreciate it.