Nope, wouldn’t do it. What?

Customer service has almost always let me slide. Let me talk to your manager. Nope, those are charges for checks drawn with insufficient funds. But, I’ve been a loyal customer for fifteen years! I’m going through a divorce. I’m not used to shuffling money around accounts. I’m asking for your help. . . 

Nope.

Click.

Then I stare at the balances on the computer screen. three-hundred sixty dollars, three-hundred and twelve dollars and twelve dollars and two cents.

I am not certain when and how much my soon-to-be ex-husband will transfer to our joint account. There’s the MORTGAGE and HOME EQUITY LOAN bills due in a few weeks. It may take months to find a reasonable job. I have no choice — I must e-mail my father and beg for money.

At this point, I am crying so hard, the muscles in my face have begun to seize up. I try to think of a friend that I could call to calm me down, but I think I have worn them all down. Not so much that they don’t care about me anymore, but I better not push it. 

The muscles in my face squeeze tighter.

I ask myself — what are you going to do? I could have taken a walk, which would have helped. I could have taken a bath, which might have been beneficial I could have called a person from the Al-Anon program, which would have been a positive move.

Wait!

Suddenly, the solution occurred to me: CHOCOLATE. 

If I jumped into the car right now and race down to Rainbow Grocery, I could buy several bars of Dagoba Chocolate (www.dagobachocolate.com), and be on my way to pick up my kids right after.

A voice from somewhere deep within said, ‘Don’t you think that’s a bit wasteful?’ My own voiced reasoned, ‘But, I am getting groceries for the family, too.’

A conversation with self ensued.

Like what?

Well, fruit.

Can’t you get that cheaper down the street?

We need yogurt.

You have some in the fridge.

Oh, fuck it. Get the hell out of my way. I’m going! 

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