Father’s Day

When my son turned one, his father and I separated after five years of marriage. We were divorced several months after that, and my ex-husband left this country for good. We have not heard from him since. For that reason, Father’s Day has been a particularly awkward holiday for me to deal with.

I tried to ignore it as best I could, purposefully making our day busy enough with happy outings and special bonding time just between my son and me. Deep inside, I always knew that sooner or later I’d have to deal with it and have some explanations to do.

My first shake down came when my then six-year old son came home from Sunday school on Father’s Day holding a man’s tie made out of paper and pipe cleaners. His regular teachers were aware of our family situation, and were careful about providing alternative activities – “making something special for your mom.” This time, he had a sub who, according to Alex, “just made him do it.” As soon as he got in the car, my normally even-tempered child threw the paper tie as far as he could, and quietly said, “Why did I even have to make this stupid tie if I don’t even have a dad around!”

I picked it up, put it on and declared that I loved it, and asked if I could please have it. First, Alex said with exasperation, “Mom, you look really goofy!” I continued to fix the tie around my neck and make my best silly faces.

Then Alex smiled.

Soon we were both laughing, because the tie got tangled up in my necklace, and it did look really goofy that way. Finally, Alex sighed and said, “Fine, you can have it, since you like it so much. Plus, you do all the work for both yourself and a dad, anyways.”

I agreed, feeling pleased at my hard work being acknowledged, and sad for the reality of our little family. Then we drove off to the ice cream shop and stuffed ourselves with ice cream instead of a normal lunch.

I was really mad at that Sunday school sub that day. My paper tie was stained with ice-scream and I eventually tossed it. 

This was three years ago. I now wish I would have kept that tie as a reminder of how sad things can turn into happy ones.  

Life goes on.

By Svetlana Nikitina